The Catsandbeer.com Interview: The BK Burger Shots Guy

As the first installment in a series we’re certain to forget about, C&B.com is excited to present an interview with a currently relevant flash in the pan. Today, we talk to the guy from the latest oversaturated Burger King ad. In the 30-second advertisement, our interviewee attracts a gaggle of comely young ladies with his miniature burgers. Watch the sparks fly as this guy dishes all the dirt on Burger King, subprime mortgages and making commercials!

Catsandbeer.com: In doing my research for this interview, I could find no mention of so called “BK Burger Shots” on the Burger King website or YouTube. Now, I’m inclined to speculate that this commercial is some kind of test marketing for the Denver area in advance of a wider rollout. What concerns me is that if I do go ahead with trying said Burger Shots, and like them, I will subsequently find out….sorry, that’s a typo….I will subsequently find myself outside the Denver metropolitan area with the desire to eat some Burger Shots and will be unable to do so. That’s a long sentence. I should probably edit that for clarity. Anway, it’s kind of a tease. I mean, six hours of driving gets me to Kansas City or Albuquerque or damn close to Salt Lake City so it’s not like it’s unrealistic to find myself elsewhere craving a Burger Shot. So I have to ask myself, “What’s the point of test-marketing if you’re just going to anger people?” I don’t know, what do you think?

BK Guy: I don’t know. They didn’t tell us much at the commercial.

C&B.C: Successful commercial actors often go on to bigger things. I’m having trouble coming up with any specific examples right now. I guess there was that funny looking guy who played the murderer in Pauly Shore’s Jury Duty…Is that what it was called? I’m too embarrassed to IMDB it because I’m certain that those kinds of things get recorded by the FBI and I’d rather have people think I look for awful porn than Pauly Shore movies…Okay, so the dude who was in Jury Duty I think went on to do those Aaron Burr peanut butter commercials. That’s actually the opposite of what I was talking about. Oh, there was the guy who does all those Washington Mutual free checking commercials who was on 2 or 3 episodes of The Office when Jim left Scranton. Is Washington Mutual just a Colorado thing? Do you know the guy I’m talking about?

BKG: I don’t know.

C&B.C: Yeah, I think WaMu may be in big trouble anyhow because of the whole subprime mortgage thing so we might not be seeing much of that guy in the future. By the way, do you have any subprime loans?

BKG: No.

C&B.C: Anyway, the WaMu guy kinda looked like the guy who played Jimmy Trivette on Walker, Texas Ranger. Fun show but I’m not gonna jump on the whole Chuck Norris bandwagon three years too late….[45 second pause]… Unless the whole retro fad is now zipping through in 3-year cycles. But no - no more Chuck Norris. Jimmy Trivette, that’s a terrible name for a black character. I mean, by and large, black surnames tell the tale of whom the person’s paternal ancestor’s master was. So I’m supposed to believe that Jimmy’s great, great, great, great grandpa was owned by a Frenchman? Come on, there weren’t any French slaveowners in the South. Actually maybe Louisiana. Do you think Jimmy was Cajun? Wait, Cajun or Creole? One is a language. Full disclosure, I’m an engineer not a historian. But yeah, do you think Jimmy Trivette was from Louisiana originally?

BKG: Maybe. I don’t know.

C&B.C: Let’s see….So you did a commercial for some burgers that are basically miniature versions of full-sized Burger King products, exemplas gratis….”e”, “g”…I’m doing the finger quotes thing….Oh, I should probably tell our readers that this is a phone interview so you and they can’t see but I’m really doing the finger quotes thing…but they’re like mini Whoppers – the burger not the malted candy. Now, Burger King isn’t the first to try miniature burgers. For example, here in Colorado, Good Times has been selling their Bambino Burgers for like a year now and I think they actually started making Bambino chicken sandwiches. Now, I swear I’m not making this up but it looks like on the commercials they put pickles on the chicken Bambino. I mean, am I crazy or is that just disgusting?

BKG: I don’t know. I’d probably try one.

C&B.C: Well, in full disclosure I don’t eat pickles to begin with but I’ve just never seen pickles and chicken paired together anywhere. And especially since it’s a fried chicken thing, you know that the breading is getting all soggy with pickle juice. And me – I love me some Good Times every now and again, but I don’t want to be the dude who’s asking for his Bambino with no pickles because you know they’re just replacing them with spit and I swear every employee in that place always has a cold sore. I usually just go up the block to the Wahoo Fish Tacos because the teenagers that work there are always too stoned to care whether my order is too fussy. True story – my old roommate used to eat at the Good Times on Union so much that the manager knew him by name. Isn’t that funny?

BKG: Yeah.

C&B.C: Okay, I’m really trying here but you’re giving me nothing. Hey, here’s a friendly showbiz tip: when somebody is offering you some free “pub”, finger quotes, don’t shit all over their head and act like you’re too cool for the room. I mean, maybe that would work for a Tom Berenger type but you – you ain’t no Tom Berenger. You aren’t even a Richard Crenna, not to be confused with Richard Jeni. You know, you make some fucking Burger King commercial that makes you out to be a dipshit to begin with that has to use miniature hamburgers to score chicks and now you’re acting like this website is beneath you or some shit. Seriously, what other website is knocking down your door for an interview? No one. Period. End of story. Bar none. May he rest in peace when he does die which I hope is never. So fuck off dude. Seriously. You know what, Everybody Loves Raymond is on now. I think I’ll start working on my fully annotated episode guide for Raymond because that’s better and more useful than this interview. Bye! We’ll miss you!

BKG: Uh-huh.

C&B.C: Fuck you. Bye! Bye! So long….dick. [Hangs up phone]. Bleehhhh. All the pizza in Denver is crap. Well, that concludes our first Catsandbeer.com interview. Toodles!