I just picked up a copy the DVD Dottie’s Magic Pockets which bills itself as “the first children’s program for kids in gay and lesbian households (and their friends too!).”
The disc was released in September 2007, so it’s probably not a good sign for its producers that although it retails for $19.99, I got an unopened copy in the dollar bin along with a 3-episode disc of Wacky and Packy, a 70s Hannah Barbara cartoon about the hilarious adventures of a caveman and his pet elephant.
Dottie’s Magic Pockets
Dottie’s Magic Pockets is a gay, bootleg version of Pee Wee’s Playhouse sans the wit, irreverence, and – surprisingly enough – cowboy.
Homemaker Dottie finds herself alone, seemingly for the first time in her life, when her love partner May takes their son Ollie to his first day at school.
Way too depressed, Dottie turns things around when she uses magical glitter found within the pockets of a sweater her son gave her to incarnate my nightmares’ nightmares.
I feel bad that gay people will be compelled to watch and embrace this show (since it’s the first one made for/by them) because it really is pretty poor.
The production values are Christian television bad. I think they made their logo in Microsoft Paint.
More importantly, the characters suck.
The Whole Shitty Gang
First there’s Dottie herself. She’s pretty damn creepy.
Worse, she’s not hot, which I think is pretty rude of production company Pink Pea who should have given lesbian moms something nice to look at to pass the time while their kids have this thing on infinite loop. At the very least they could have sewn the titular pockets into a pair of cutoffs instead of a bulky hoodie.
But Dottie is the least of this show’s problems. The biggest issue is that her whimsical and wacky friends are awful. Let’s check them out:
James the Flower
From the Dottie site:
James is an aging, aristocratic daisy from France who laments at being “just another pretty face.” James is easily flustered. He is the “straight flower” to Dottie’s wackiness. And while he sometimes acts as if he’d prefer to be left to his tea, he is frequently caught bouncing his petals to the music.
Yes, he sucks just as much as it sounds like he would.
Randal the Beaver
Like the other characters on the show, Randal is just some puppet you could buy for $9.99 at your local Rite Aid/CVS/Walgreens/whatever.
Also like the other characters on the show, Randal has a voice that doesn’t fit him at all. Listen:
Motilda the Mouse
If they were going to invent a name, you’d think they’d go with a clever one or at least one that relates to the character. You’d be wrong – they went with Motilda.
Motilda’s a mess. I don’t know if the Salvation Army would even sell her.
Wally the Wall
Wally the Wall is a fucking wall. Actually, he’s a fucking wall with a pair of hands.
Wally the Wall means they can never do a DMP episode addressing the important issues of fire safety or dealing with natural disasters because it would lay bear the incontrovertible fact that if the shit ever hits the fan Wally is being left behind to die.
Uncanny the Singing Can
Fuck Uncanny the Singing Can. This piece of shit makes me hate Dottie, her magic pockets, and all her shitty friends.
This thing scream-sings the entire show and 90% of the time I don’t know what it’s even supposed to be saying singing.
See if you *can* make it through this entire clip:
Jesus, Dottie, recycle this asshole. Shit-can this shit can.
Verdict
I’m surprised I’m only now finding out this show exists – it’s hard to believe that Dottie’s Magic Pockets has made it this long without some nutjob family values group waging war on it.
I mean, they flipped out about Tinky Winky and Spongebob and those guys aren’t even officially gay. Not only is Dottie 100% gay, but so is every other character in her entire wacky world. Where are the Jesus people while this is going on?
I’d bet Dottie and Pink Pea are also surprised about the lack of outcry/publicity and I imagine they’re disappointed. I mean, watch this compilation of footage taken from just two episodes and tell me they’re not trying to get Jerry Falwell to come out of death to take them on:
Goodness. Gracious. Do the beaver and the can.
Anyway, the show’s not great, but it’s a good idea and it’s pretty funny to watch. I think I’ll send the DVD to my sister to see if it makes my two-year-old niece gay.
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I’ve got a magic wand that would fit perfectly in Dottie’s magic pocket!
But seriously, I think you should show the producers some respect. It takes a pretty fantastically potent mixture of psychedelics, painkillers and anti-psychotic medications to produce a vision this incoherent. That they all (presumably) don’t suffer from liver or kidney failure is an undeniable triumph of the human spirit.
Check out http://www.BuddyG.TV. Those wacky gays are at it again.
I think this probably IS the product of Christian television, specifically designed to confirm their supporters’ stereotypes about lesbian and their puppets.
I love her too much to exposer her to that beaver. Or the can. And don’t even get me started on the wall!
That should have read “expose” – guess Dottie got me flustered!
Okay, I just watched the clip again – I am convinced that this is a product of the Christian Right. The can song following the beaver song is just too much.
I think catsandbeer needs to do a special investigation – it can be a follow up to the McCain expose.
I am pissed . . . I mean really pissed. First, they try to tell us that our lines suck because of the writers strike but now that the strike is over, I’m still getting lines written by a beaver. Now . . . now . . . now I see this other lesbo show with kids and those moms are hot hot hot. Buddy G gets hot moms, I’m a wall looking at Dottie . . . it sucks really sucks to be me.
PS to Your Niece’s Mommy. I have neither a hole nor any glory so please no more wall/homo jokes.
Wally – shut up and grow some balls.
Hey, guys, guys, come on
actually – wait – guys?
I don’t even know what you are
Brian Brian Brian – watch the show.
Wally, I do but I still have no idea – you have the voice of a castrato and (thankfully) no perceivable genitalia
Based on the name, I’d say Randal should be a dude, but James King is a female model and R’s voice is kinda feminine, plus it’s my understanding that everyone on DMP is gay, and Randal is on record as saying s/he wants to “do the beaver”
I’m so confused
Gay? I’m not gay. Is this a gay show? I’m calling my agent.
I need more friends! Please come visit me on myspace:
http://www.myspace.com/dottiesmagicpockets
Pink Pea? Really?
If that isn’t a euphemism, then I don’t know what is….
Just wanted to let you know that I found your site in a Google search of “gay Jesus.” (Click on my website and you’ll see why.) 1.) “Cats and beer” is a great name for a website, and 2.) “Dottie’s Magic Pockets” FTW! O_o
Wow. Harsh. I thought the show was weak until I let my kids watch it and they LOVED it. I thought the Teletubbies and Barney were lame, but millions of kids love them and no one knows why. Can’t be the production values or the character development. Well, I can’t think of anything serious to say in response to your caddy, negative, bitchqueen take on this CD, but I give these people credit for making the effort to create something. At least they are not spending their time tearing other people’s work apart. Good for you for having a blog. I saw your photo and it all made sense. I hope Santa brings you a nice, new fanny pack this year. You can start your own bitchy magic glitter fanny pack show so we don’t have to suffer dollar-bin Dottie anymore…doesn’t change the fact that, if this show was on television, it would be a huge hit.