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RAVENS BLOG!

Loosely based on the adventures of the men tasked with chronicling every facet of Ravens minutiae …

Left to Right: “Cappie” Mike Preston, “Hot Head” Jamison Hensley, “Gigabyte” Edward Lee, and “The Guru” Don Markus

Cappie: A playful reference to his former life as a captain in the Navy SEALS, Cappie is always exasperated by the carefree antics of his team. But when push comes to shove, he always successfully leads his team through the battle, be it recovering a stolen painting of Steve Bisciotti or saving a little girl from the oncoming path of BJ Sams’ swerving, speeding SUV.

Hot Head: Always the life of the party and tops with the ladies, Hot Head gets his nickname from his classic Irish anger streak. While normally easygoing, you best not mess with his (always) perfectly coifed hair or make even the vaguest insinuations concerning his mother or sister lest you want to go a few rounds with him. Hot Head caught Cappie’s eye in 1997 after he beat columnist Peter Schmuck to within an inch of his life after an argument about the relative merits of Mike Mussina’s vs. Rafael Palmeiro’s Slomin Shield commercials.

Gigabyte: Quick with a pinhole camera or a remotely-triggered can of knockout gas, Gigabyte is the Ravens Blog technology expert. Of course, as the youngest member of the team, expect to see him draw all the bum assignments - when Nepalese Maoist rebels threaten to break Haloti Ngata’s legs, guess who has to take Haloti out on an undercover blind date in a dress and heels? Gigabyte! His first mission with the Ravens Blog was to prevent Brian Billick’s hairline from receding any further.

The Guru: Following an eight year meditation in a Dundalk monastery, The Guru discovered that enlightenment could be found by monitoring the Ravens injury report. The spiritual anchor for the Ravens Blog team, his pensive and thoughtful approach to problem-solving makes a nice counterpoint to Hot Head and Gigabyte’s shoot-first mentality. With his wisdom and presence of mind, he has diffused many a dangerous situation such as the time Tony Siragusa consumed all the pit beef in Randallstown and was still hungry.