Catsandbeer.com

“My name is Thomas Archer and I’m with the office of the Attorney General. I’ll be laying out the basic details that the investigating officers have communicated to us and then I’ll take some questions afterwards.

“At approximately 2:45PM on the day in question, the suspect Mr. Cutler was observed weeping on a bench at the playing field. Witnesses report that he was mumbling about Papa John’s pizza and a jam band, the String Cheese Incident.

“At 2:48PM, the suspect rose from the bench and began sprinting across the playing field while screaming, and I quote, ‘Cotton candy! I want the blue kind!’ It is believed his speech was directed at a vendor on the opposite side of the field. Undercover security personnel promptly subdued the suspect by tackling him to the turf.

” The suspect was escorted from the playing field. Witnesses report that he repeatedly screamed, and I quote, ‘Yo Dominique! If the dude shows up, pay him and I’ll get you back!’ The Dominique in question is Dominique Foxworth, a cornerback on the suspect’s team. An interview with coach Mike Shanahan suggests that the money in question was a payment for a Papa John’s delivery boy in Kansas City that Mr. Cutler believed was arriving with pizzas.

“The suspect was removed from the facility and booked into Denver County Jail. He is being held upon his own request until the detoxifiers he ordered from Heads of State arrive this afternoon. I’d just like to assure the citizens of Denver that Mr. Cutler no longer poses a threat to pizza delivery routes or any other means of food distribution. Questions?”

The End……..Or is it?!?