Act I: Jay Cutler is Hungry for Some Reason
Act II: Jay Cutler is Hungry and Becoming Upset About It
Act III: Denver is Safe Again

April 8, 2008

Diabetes and Endocrinology Research Center (DERC)
University of Colorado Health Sciences Center
Aurora, Colorado

Janine Paulson, Dietician: “Hi Jay! I’m Janine and I’ll be one of the dieticians working with you here at the DERC. I just wanted to speak with you briefly about, ummm, some of the, uhhh, basic dietary guidelines that you’ll need to be consider…start to consider, okay?”

Jay Cutler: [inaudible]

JP: [laughs] Okay. So, for starters I like to say that carbohydrates aren’t the enemy, they’re just kind of like a friend you’re sick of and want to spend less time with!” [laughs]

JP: “Well, so there will still be room for carbs in your diet, we’ll just need to carefully control your intake and balance it out with good levels of protein, fat, other things….Umm, the thing we really want to focus on is good carbs, ummm, which are the ones we describe as having a “low glycemic index.” Have you heard that term before?”

JP: “Okay, so basically what that means is we want to get you eating carb sources that it takes your body longer to chew up so the sugar enters your bloodstream more slowly and steadily, okay?”

JC: “So, like, what about like, ummm, Doritos?”

JP: “Well, that’s the kind of thing we really want to steer you away from because we tend to overindulge in those…”

JC: “But, like, what about Cool Ranch Doritos?”

JP: “Well, it’s the same thing from…”

JC: “And, like what about Spicy Habanero Doritos?”

JP: [shaking head] “No…”

JC: “Fritos?”

JP: “No.”

JC: “Barbeque Fritos?”

JP: “No.”

JC: “Flamin’ Hot Fritos?”

JP: “No.”

JC: “Chili Cheese Fritos?”

JP: “No.”

JC: “What about Funions?”

JP: “No.”

JC: “Ummm, Sun Chips?”

JP: “Now, those are multi-grained so they’re not the worst thing in the …”

JC: “What about Harvest Cheddar Sun Chips?”

JP: “Well that’s…”

JC: “And, like, Hostess Cupcakes?”

JP: “No.”

JC: “What about Ho-Hos?”

JP: “No.”

JC: “Little Debbie’s Cosmic Brownies?”

JP: “No.”

JC: “Ummm, Little Debbie Zebra Cakes?”

JP: “No.”

JC: “What about, like the red, white and blue ones they make on the 4th of July?”

JP: “No.”

JC: “M&Ms?”

JP: “No, sugar…”

JC: “Peanut M&Ms?”

JP: “Well, that’s a step in the right direction. Nuts are actually very good…”

JC: “So does that mean Peanut Butter M&Ms are cool too?”

JP: “No.”

JC: “What about Skittles?”

JP: “God no.”

JC: “And Wild Berry Skittles?”

JP: “No.”

JC: “What about ice cream?”

JP: “No.”

JC: “Even Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough? I love….”

JP: “Jay…Jay! All of these things – junk. You can have these things from time to time, but in moderation!”

JC: [pauses] “What about pizza?”

JP: “How much pizza? You see, that’s going to be the key…”

JC: “Well, Travis and I are usually good for a Meat Lover’s each but if he’s over all day then we just usually get 2 pizzas each in case he needs to crash or something.”

JP: “No, you can’t be eating like that anymore…”

JC: “But, it’s like, we usually can’t help it. We get, like, really hungry and I don’t know what it is.”

JP: “Well, the diabetic thing will take some getting used to, but once we get you settled in I bet you start feeling a lot better.”

JC: “Umm, I have another question. Are there carbohydrates in, ummmm…..uhhhhh, are there carbs in…ummmmm……are there carbs in, like, cigarettes and stuff?”

JP: “No, not that I’m aware. But you don’t smoke do you?”

JC: [quietly, eyes averted] “No, not, like, cigarettes.”

JP: [pauses] “Oh. Ohhh! Ummm, sometimes there are certain, uhhhh, behaviors that can indirectly promote poor eating habits – like, for example, maybe you drink a soda while studying your playbook or whatever - and we’ll need to begin breaking you of those habits, okay?”

JC: [head down, quietly] “Okay.” [begins sobbing]