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Because tarot cards are notoriously unreliable for making everyday decisions, here is some numerological guidance for objects you might consider importing into your household.

1. Anal Douche Kit - Numerological Score: 2

A 2 suggests balance. An anal douche kit will bring stability to your home. Buy one immediately.

2. Rachel Specter - Numerological Score: 7

A 7 suggests thought/consciousness. Anyone wanting to bring this beauty into their boudoir best consider it carefully. Thought and consciousness are the gateways to suffering as the Buddha tells us. Suffering is a burning sensation when you pee.

3. Iced Decaf Latte - Numerological Score: 8

An 8 signifies power or sacrifice, both masculine qualities. An iced latte will more than likely cause priapism. You should consult your physician before consuming this beverage.

4. Drug Resistant Tuberculosis - Numerological Score: 4

A 4 means creation. While creation can be positive, one should also realize that creation is the first step toward destruction. Recognize that bringing drug-resistant tuberculosis into your household may start well but will likely end in heartbreak.

5. Arrested Development Season Three DVD Set - Numerological Score: 10

A 10 means rebirth. While rebirth is often viewed as a good, cleansing thing, like a sorbet or an anal douching, rebirth can also be a negative. Two concrete examples.

1. Sgt. Slaughter’s 1991 “rebirth” as an Iraqi soldier.

   

2. Most Hollywood remakes, for example “Sgt. Bilko” starring Steve Martin.

   

The common theme in rebirth is sergeants, dispensers of discipline and punishment. Watching AD Season 3 can be a punishing experience given the broad(er) writing and frequent overacting. Beware.