Last month, my cousin Pete came out to Los Angeles on a trip for work, and since then all he ever talks about is his visit to the Church of Scientology’s "Psychiatry: An Industry of Death" museum. Seriously, he won’t shut up about the thing.
He just sent me his photo journal chronicling the event, promising that he’d cool it if I put it online. So, here it is. Enjoy?
Dear Cousin Brian,
Wowzers! Me and my best pal from work Bernie Goldman just got back from an I.T. team-building retreat in Hollywood, California (or, as Bernie likes to call it "Hollyweird, California") and we had SOOOOOO much fun. We ate at Planet Hollywood (!), stayed at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel (!!) on Hollywood Boulevard (!!!), and went to the "Ripley’s Believe It or Not" museum. I not-believed 20% of the exhibits while Bernie not-believed 25%. Bernie’s very skeptical.
But the absolute best part of the trip came about completely by accident: our visit to the "Psychiatry: An Industry of Death" museum!
You see, what happened was that Bernie’s ice cream melted all over our map and we ended up going to a chocolate smudge instead of the Hollywood Wax Museum. But it turns out that the smudge was at the exact same place as the Psychiatry Death Museum WHICH WASN’T EVEN ON THE MAP. Now that is crazy!
Now, unless you’ve been to the museum before, you’ve probably never heard of this psychiatry thing – I know me and Bernie hadn’t. So you must be wondering …
What is psychiatry?
Psychiatry is a fake science practiced by evil, money-obsessed no-gooders at the root of a secret, global conspiracy whose goal seems to be to either take over the world or to destroy it (I’m not exactly clear which).
Psychiatrists have been behind history’s worst human rights atrocities including 9/11 (!!!!), Apartheid, all genocide, the Columbine shootings, AND the Jewish Holocaust.
How do I know all of this?
Because of the museum silly!
Inside the Industry
Right when you walk through that door you get put into a padded room! It’s just like the ones psychiatrists use to lock up orphans, except there weren’t any parentless children in this one, just a lot of Mexicans. I wanted to take pictures of the room, but Bernie was worried about taking out his camera with so many new amigos around.
So here’s the long and short of it: psychiatrists are evil. 100% pure evil. They’re like Sauron, Skeletor, and Rosie rolled up in one. I don’t know why it’s even legal for people to NOT murder them, let alone illegal for people TO murder them. Thanks a lot, Hillary!
What are the crimes of psychiatrists?
Where to even begin? I guess I’ll start with …
destroying Native Americans,
Australian Aborigine genocide,
lighting the fires of Apartheid,
destroying personal responsibility,
excusing criminality,
creating terrorism,
usurping the legal system,
and destroying our future generation,
just to name a few!
Pill Break
By this point in the tour, I was feeling pretty down. So it’s a lucky thing that the next section was about psychiatrists drugging the world, because I had forgotten to take my Escitalopram and Venlafaxine!
Luckier still, I needed a drink to wash down the pills and there was a whites-only water fountain (and I’m white!).
Famous Psychiatrists
OK, let’s get back to business. So you think you don’t know of any psychiatrists? Think again!
The museum taught us that all sorts of infamous people have practiced this devilish art. People including (but not limited to):
The Unabomber!
Kurt Cobain!
Pedophiles!
Osama Bin Laden!
and Elliot Smith! (who???)
Fun for the Whole Family
Now, if you’re thinking that the Museum of Death is all book-learning and hard science – NEWSFLASH – you’re wrong!
Yeah, there’s a lot of that stuff, but there’s also plenty of fun and games for the kids. Check it out!
Create your own Columbine!
Electroconvulsive Shock Treatment Simulations!
Leather Strap Restraint-Equipped Hospital Bed Rides!
Super-Creepy Skulls with Real Human Skin and Hair!
and of course … Terrorism and Mind Control!
(just kidding about this one: if there’s one thing the "Psychiatry: An Industry of Death" museum would never stand for, it would be attempting to manipulate people’s thinking).
Psychiatry’s Master Plan
But to be serious for a moment, Cousin Brian, psychiatry is no laughing matter. Sure, you can make a buck (or 20+) selling cool anti-psychiatry t-shirts,
but that isn’t going to stop psychiatrists from destroying mankind.
Do you think they’re not trying to? Think again.
I mean, look, they already have a master plan
AND an entire impressive chart’s worth of masterminds of destruction!
It’s enough to make you feel pretty hopeless. Should we just give in to these pill-pushing murderous quacks and all sign up for chemical lobotomies tomorrow?
The answer is NO.
There is a hope
You might be ready to give up, but thankfully there’s a group out there that will never give up, a group that is fighting for your rights and mine. And that group is … the Church of Sciencetology!
The Church of Sciencetology created the "Psychiatry: An Industry of Death" museum to tell the whole world about the evils of this pseudo-science and to protect us from the scary needles and hypnotic sexual assaults of psychiatrists the world over.
Watch this not at all creepy video they made about psychiatry (an industry of death).
I don’t know about you, but I feel like we are safe so long as they are here.
Thank The Lord Jesus Christ for The Church of Sciencetology!
Your friend and cousin,
Pete Harnisch
Update:
I just received another letter from Cousin Pete, this one containing the feedback form he filled out following his tour of the Industry of Death museum. You can check it out here.
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If you can relay this message to Pete, I’m hoping he can clear up a couple of questions I have. Like Kurt Cobain, I own at least one Fender guitar. Does this make me a psychiatrist? Also, chocolate has been shown to trigger the same pleasure centers in the brain as cocaine. Does this make noted comic strip “heroine” Cathy a psychiatrist? She loves chocolate, but it’s killing her figure!
Keith, I’ll try to get in touch with Pete to ask him, but it’s the strangest thing: I haven’t heard a thing from him – not a peep – since I posted his journal.
As someone who knows Pete, I’m sure you’d agree that going a couple of hours, let alone a couple of days, without getting a buzz from that guy is, to say the least, peculiar.
I’ll post an update when I have some news – hopefully he’s just got the flu bug that’s been going around and has been holed up with a Home Improvement box set (an earlier season before the fame went to JTT’s head).
You People are fuckin wierd!
The video you posted is fuckin stupid! Some doctors do make mistakes! but for fuck sake! these supposed millions of people that die every year need to see doctors not strinks!…
Sayin that some Americans are fuckin stupid!
Some British people are stupid.. but that video wins the prize for dumbass of the year Award..
The Video is pure lies! Utter lies!
If anyone believes that video then i hope you die!
Tony, satire is completely wasted on you.
[...] Scientology’s ‘Psychiatry: An Industry of Death’ Museum Fun! [...]
You people need to get a grip on reality. Blaming psychiatrists for everything that went wrong in the history of mankind is not only incorrect, it is stupid and illogical. People get mental diseases. Someone needs to treat them. Have you ever seen someone who is a manic depressive when they are high, or someone who cannot hold down a steady job or even maintain good personal hygiene due to schizophrenia? I have, and I can assure you that these people actually SEEK psychiatric care as in order to lead normal lives. Nobody forces them into a padded room. What do you propose to do when someone becomes psychiatrically ill? Refer them to Zenu or check their emeters? Also, what about the fact that other MD’s besides psychiatrists prescribe psychiatric drugs such as antidepressants and stimulants such as ritalin? Get rid of all psychiatric drugs? Get rid of all MD’s? I highly suggest volunteering at a psychiatric hospital and seeing what mental illness is for yourselves. I also sincerely hope that no one in your families ever becomes psychiatrically ill. I would love to see what you think of psychiatry when they kill themselves after you deny them care for a real medical issue. Go worship L Ron and watch Battlefield Earth and leave good doctors who do their jobs well alone.
It seems satire is also lost of “Pro Psychiatry”, as is his/her ability to read previous posts pointing out other people’s lack of ability to perceive satire.
Anyway, I found this article funny:
http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/.....index.html
Though actually, that is not funny, those wacky Germans did try to ban Judiasm back in the 30′s, I guess they’ll never learn.
surprise, surprise – a “Dr.” Jeff coming to the aid of psychiatrists. Just what kind of doctor do we think Dr. Jeff is????
I was chief resident of psychiatry at Mass General for 2 years, and I did my fellowship in psycholinguistics at MIT.
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