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Sure Golden, CO has its trendy tourist attractions like the Coors Brewery and, umm, Buffalo Bill Cody’s Grave. But for the resourceful tourist, there’s much more to this sleepy town than what appears on the map. Let’s take a tour of the less-explored sights around Golden!

The White Ash Mine Memorial and Gravesite

First up is a moving tribute to the victims of the White Ash Mine Disaster.

I’m not really sure what the White Ash Mine Disaster was. The word “disaster” is kind of vague. For example, I’m pretty sure some snarky theater critics referred to Paul Simon’s Broadway musical, “The Capeman,” as a disaster but I’m also pretty sure no one died as a result. I also don’t know why four of the dudes have a chain link thing by their name. Perhaps it means that they were a vital link in the chain or something equally metaphorical. One thing I do know is that being a “link in the chain” is nothing like being just another “brick in the wall.”

Directions to the Memorial: The White Ash Mine Disaster Memorial and gravesite is located in the semi-paved parking lot next to the little utility shack beside the barely used soccer practice field.

Golden Patriotism Monument

Next up is a moving tribute to the spirit of patriotism and valor that makes America great!

HELL….YEAH!

Fuck yes!!!!!

I was thinking that just the other day, and now I found out that some dude actually said it at some point!

The monument is built as a concrete tunnel. It symbolizes the long, dark struggle for freedom. The sunshine that pours in at the ends symbolizes the glory that awaits when we throw off the yoke of our oppressors. The mud smeared across the wall symbolizes the evil that pervades the current status quo. I’d recommend spending no less than an hour reflecting here.

Directions to the Monument: The Golden Patriotism Monument is located in the storm sewer tunnel underneath US 6.

Wear a hat because the abundant swallows who nest in the tunnel could well shit on your head.

Eating in Golden

At this point, you’re probably hungry, so it’s time to eat, Golden style!

Getting close!

Chinese Restaurant! Awesome, I love Chinese food!

$1.50 a scoop Chinese food! That way, I choose the meal that fits my appetite. Talk about “having it my way!”

$1.50 a scoop Chinese food at a bowling alley!!!!!! Looks like I know where we’ll be spending the rest of the day!

Directions: The Chinese food bowling alley is pretty much across from the high school. You’ll know you’re close if you see lots of teenagers drifting around aimlessly. Not even smoking or dealing drugs or anything, just kinda drifting aimlessly in a way that makes you say “Why the hell are there so many kids hanging around outside of the school in the middle of the day doing nothing and why isn’t the school administration doing anything about this or do they actually condone this behavior.” I know at Dulaney it was expressly forbidden to leave the school without permission and at Ridgely it was illegal to jump out of the windows.