Man oh man, if there’s one thing White People love more than these 10 rap songs it’s taking jokes way too seriously and throwing the word "racist" around like they do Frisbees. I’m sorry my silly little list got some of you so heated – I only hope that while furiously typing out your angry comments you didn’t accidentally spill Jamba Juice on your MacBook.
Anyway, a common response to my Rap Songs White People Love article was to demand a Rock Songs Black People Love companion piece. And guess what: just this once, White People are going to get their way.
Submitted by a reader, this is the first guest columnist-penned piece in site history. It’s funny and it serves not only as a great follow-up, but also to give me another day to finish the article I’m writing that will shut down the Internet (which means that if you have any important online banking or social networking to do, consider this your 24-hour warning).
Without further ado, catsandbeer.com (and a Black Person) proudly present:
The Top 10 Rock Songs Black People Love, A Post Written By A Black Person
1. Smoke On The Water – Deep Purple
Every black person secretly knows, headbangs and plays air guitar to the opening riffs of this one, as soon as white people aren’t watching.
"Got to admit, yo that opening part is DEF. Ya got to admit. Give it up."
2. Schoolboy Crush – Average White Band
We like it so much we sampled it for rap about 2,887,745 times in about six thousand raps.
"Yo yo yo, naw, them white boys in this one tore this one up. Got to admit." "Word."
3. Play That Funky Music – Wild Cherry
4. Pour Some Sugar On Me – Def Leppard
Fill a room with black folks, start this video on the TV, and by the end of the second bar of that guitar intro every black person has turned around watching the screen. If whites are in the room, we will smirk, nod, then resume talking and drinking with you.
If no whites are in the room, one wannabe-hardcore-looking black guy will move in to switch the TV off, saying, "What y’all watching this crazy— white s–t for?" Other black folk in the room will move in and block him from the TV.
"Whoa whoa whoa. Calm down. No." Pause. "I like this."
Black folk, admit you have been in a room where this happened.
6a. I Don’t Want Your Love or 6b. Notorious – Duran Duran
In fact, anything recorded by Duran Duran before the Liberty album. Duran Duran is the only white group ALL black people mysteriously like.
Go ask your favorite black person today.
6. I Don’t Want To Fall In Love – Jane Childs
All black women consider Jane Childs the most authentically black-sounding white woman who has ever sung a note in public. Jane tore up that song. Give it up y’all.
However, the white female rock song ALL black women secretly sing along to with no brothers or white folk sitting around watching, is…
7. (Damn) I Wish I Was Your Lover – Sophie B. Hawkins
All of us like this song and sing along with it. We have all been there, and this white woman nailed it respectably.
Another white female rock song black people (especially black women) like is:
8. Tell It To My Heart or anything else by Taylor Dayne
Admit it, sistas: we have all whispered to each other that Ms. Dayne looks or must be part-black, because otherwise "there is no way on earth she could sing that well if she wasn’t at least part black" … right?
9. Anything by Sinatra
Now I know Frank Sinatra doesn’t qualify to many fools as a rock star, but according to the teenage girls of the 1940’s he was, and every black man in the recording industry wishes he were Frank and will give instant big props to Ol’ Blue Eyes.
Black people are kind of like Italians. We ALL worship Frank Sinatra. We also wish Frank had been black because he was that cool.
10. Anything by Steely Dan or the solo Donald Fagen
All black people like Steely Dan. Any black folk who claims he doesn’t hasn’t heard them yet.
Want to get black folks in a comfortable mood at a party with the lights all low, and get them nice and friendly with the white people also at the party? Throw on some Steely Dan and see how the colors mingle and black folk start waxing rhapsodic on how many white musicians are quite gifted.
Once again: all black people like and will listen to Steely Dan. The Doobie Brothers come close on this black respect meter, but nobody touches the Dan.
However, bear in mind that most people know rock music was created by black people, so this top 10 comparison might be actually kind of moot. Did I miss any?
Signed, a black woman named …
Oh yeah and all black folks love
11. KC & The Sunshine Band (Bonus!)
We will not switch that off if it comes on the radio. We listen to it. Period. But we generally like the rest of the album more than we do the singles.
"I’m Your Boogieman" is one of those.
Whoops – one more – my sister just chimed in with
12. Led Zeppelin (Double Bonus!)
"All black people have at least a little respect for Led Zeppelin songs."
I agree, she is right.
OK, that’s all from me.
So there you have it. And what’s interesting to note is that, just like on the White People list, NONE of these songs are less than a decade old. In fact, most of them are considerably older than their White People counterparts. Hey, I guess White People and Black People aren’t that different after all …
It’s at this point that I would like to put up a poll asking "What Black People-beloved rock song most deserved to make the list?," but unfortunately (and I do mean unfortunately) I am neither
- black, nor
- knowledgeable about rock music.
So I leave it to you, the Catsandbeer.com community, to tell me which hits gotsa make the list. My one request is that only Black People or Not-Black People Who Know Black People In Real Life submit suggestions. This is, after all, for science.
Thanks for understanding.
Wow, I’m impressed by the variety/extent of the discussion still going on in the comments section of the page – thanks to everyone that’s taken time to chime in.
I finally sat down to go through the suggestions posted and quickly realized there was no way I could create a poll asking what specific songs should have made the list. So instead, I’m going to go with asking which artists should have been included.
As everyone has correctly pointed out, the original list wasn’t just rock songs, so with that in mind I’ve tried to be very precise with the phrasing of this poll question.
Let your voices be heard and please tell me …