Your Chance to Help a Blogger in Need!
Readers,
If any of you happen to be in contact with a Mr. Hycenth A. Tasan of Liberia, could you please put him back in touch with me. He recently sent me an email with the subject
“My name is Hycenth A. Tasan. I am an aid to Chuckie the eldest son of the former President of Liberia, Charles Taylor, who is currently facing a UN war crime tribunal and my friend Chuckie is also facing trial in Florida high court for torturing a man in Liberia . After the incarceration, of Charles and my boss Chuckie, the present democratic government has made life uncomfortable with all my family members especially Taylor ’s immediate family. All our family treasures have been confiscated by the Government in pretense that Charles Taylor looted billions of dollars from federal government reserve while in office. I need to solicit your humble assistance to safe keep their family last hope which my boss deposited in a security company before he was incarcerated by the US under torture statutes. We have agreed to invest total sum of US$3.5M in any part of the world . At the present, all our passports have been seized and we are closely monitored by the security operatives here in Liberia , making it more difficult for us to go out to negotiate for a good partner that will assist us to invest this fund. Once you accept to assist us to safe keep this fund for possible investment in your country, we will give you 25% of the total sum for your humble assistance. I will give you a comprehensive detail about this transaction when you indicate your interest in assisting us. I would also like to have your full contact details for better discussion. Hycenth A. Tasan Do get back to me at this email address (hycenttasan@yahoo.it).”
Unfortunately, in his ardor to create that subject line, he plum forgot to include a body with the email. As such, I’m left without several key pieces of information by which to judge this business opportunity. If you are in contact with Mr. Tasan, please have him answer the following questions for me:
1) In reference to “Chuckie,” is this name perhaps a pidgin English corruption of “Chucky” the psychopath doll? Or perhaps a corruption of “Chucky”, the jocular nickname for Tampa Bay Buccaneers Head Coach Jon Gruden?
2) Could you please let me know at which prison in Florida Chuckie is being held? It was my impression that U.N. tribunals were generally held in The Hague or someplace like that. Is Interpol farming out work to American prisons? Naturally, I am concerned with these sorts of blurry intergovernmental dealings as they pertain to New World Orders, Marks of the Beast, etc.
3) Lastly, the fact is I get a lot of business offers from Sub-Saharan Africa. I’m considering no less than a dozen at the moment. You are only offering me 25% of $3.5M which, no offense, is pretty skimpy compared to most other offers. As a businessman, I’m not a fool – I’d much rather focus all of my attention on a single solid proposal than take a dartboard approach on a slew of them. Where are the fundamentals in this offer? I’m naturally concerned about the investment strategy you will be pursuing as well as the managers to whom you will be entrusting the management of your fund. If you expect my cooperation, you’ll need to convince me that the level of risk in this deal is low enough to to choose it over higher-risk, higher-reward proposals.
Preemptive thanks go out to the reader who puts me in touch with Mr. Tasan. And remember, if I bank this $875k, I’ll be in the market for eighty seven thousand five hundred blowjobs at $10 apiece and looking to make a deal. Think of it as “Who Wants to Be A Millionaire” except with blowjobs.
Thanks,
Keith
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kat on 
Angel on 
A on 
Anna on
THE NWO! WOOOHOO You’re rad for posting that classic photo.
and less than a million dollars, asshole!
I see that the domain suffix of Tasan is “.it” which = Italy - how many “Hycenth A. Tasan”s could there be in Italy? Probably less than 35,000
Brian, I actually don’t operate under the illusion that Hycenth A Tasan is from Italy. I would speculate that he acquired the email address as a souvenir of, perhaps, his stay at Chuckie’s Tuscan villa. As such, culling this Mr. Tasan from the worldwide pool of Tasans who have visited Italy would be nothing short of miraculous.
And yes, 87.5k blowjobs will not make you a millionaire, but with careful speculation and precise timing in the currency market, you could easily grow this small fortune into a large one on the weakness of the dollar.
it enrages me that no one (else) is helping you
look some of these financial offers from Africa can be misleading and even downright fraudulent at times…
it would be better if you allowed me, someone with a little financial nous to take care of the matter on your behalf but ahem, i will need a small ” bridging ” fee to cough cough…redirect our good African friends cash from a safe holding account to your good self, a simple small advanced fee of $ 5000 should suffice…
you can trust me because i am an honest european person of impeccable taste and background…
my taste is beyond reproach as i read your superb article about 10 rap songs white people love and realised i did not fit the stereotypical image of a clueless white rap fan although i have to admit i do like jump around…
it gives me confidence that as a white person i have avoided the crass pitfalls of generic rap and consider myself to have ” underground ” tastes - my confidence may eventiually allow me to sample other musical forms such as reggae, dub and even jazz or blues…
Ex-president’s son denies torture
BBC News
December 8, 2006
The son of ex-Liberian President Charles Taylor has pleaded not guilty to charges of committing torture.
Charles McArthur Emmanuel, a US citizen, became the first person in the US to be charged under a 12-year-old federal anti-torture law.
He is facing trial in a court in the US city of Miami, while another US court has sentenced him to 11 months in prison for passport fraud.
His father is awaiting trial in The Hague for war crimes in Sierra Leone.
The alleged torturing was said to have been carried out in Liberia during his father’s rule.
The US was able to charge Mr Emmanuel because he was born there.
‘Scalding’
Mr Emmanuel, known as Charles “Chuckie” Taylor, had been arrested in late March in Miami and has pleaded guilty to passport fraud for not declaring his connection to his father.
He was in charge of presidential security when his father was in power in Liberia, and is accused of taking part in the torture of a victim in July 2002.
“The allegations in this case include acts of torture, such as burning flesh with a hot iron, burning flesh with scalding water, and applying electric shocks,” a US attorney said in an official statement.
The assistant secretary for immigration and customs enforcement said it was a “clear message the US would not be a safe haven for human rights violators”.