Catsandbeer.com

I am a lucky boy. A fortuitous mis-click of the mouse(pad) found me reading the contents of my bulk mail folder, and how wonderful that it did! It turns out that for some time - I pray only briefly - my spam-blocking system had errantly been shuttling off, out of sight and mind, legitimate emails addressed to me simply because, I surmise, they contained a handful of red flag keywords that often signal junk mail.

For the benefit of those that may have suffered the same sad fate without even realizing it, I reproduce here those precious emails.

Received on Monday, June 11, 2007 from Isiah Gates:

With Penis Enlarge Patch all your failures will be over.

Now, before you think Isiah is promising more than his product can deliver, you should know that each and every one of my life’s failings is penis-related.

Here’s a lovely note from Brazilian Elijah Sewell, who one can only imagine is a coworker of Isiah’s following up on a promising lead, received six days later on Sunday, June 17:

Dont worry about Penis Enlarge Patch being harmful to your health. Some of its ingredients even reduce the heart diseases.

Elijah must have been speculating as to reason behind my inconceivable purchasing delay and decided to do something about it.

You can tell Elijah is a savvy salesman: he doesn’t hem and haw or pussy-foot around the whispered allegations of health concerns related to Penis Enlarge Patch, he squashes them straight out. And what’s more, he not only tells me that Penis Enlarge Patch is not bad for me, he also makes sure that I know that Penis Enlarge Patch is in fact GOOD for me, proffering the claim that some (but I guess not all) of its (at least more than one) ingredients reduce the size of the dreaded the heart diseases.

In a study of contrasting styles, when it comes to traditional seller-buyer decorum, Sallie Dunham simply don’t give a fuck:

You inherited a small dick from you father and think there is no way to help it. Penis Enlarge Patch is what you need. Penis Enlarge Patch will make your penis larger than her expectations.

Thanks a lot, Dad.