I recently (a-rhetorically) authored an article wondering if merely writing about certified cyber heavyweight phenomenon Ron Paul would bring web traffic to my theretofore untrafficked website (this one). Well, it didn’t take long for the Paulites to descend upon me and remove any doubt that it in fact it would.

So does this mean that catsandbeer is a rebrand away from becoming the web’s #1 source for tracking Paul’s all-but-assured rocket ascent up to the low-mid single digits in the polls? No way. Why not? Because here’s the way you get REAL traffic on the Internet:

Jay Cutler and a strangely adorable gerbil

Adorable nonsense and pro athlete puerility kick the absolute shit out of Ron Paul.

But before we bid adieu to Paul once and for all, let’s give the man his due.

The Ron Paul Effect

Writing about Ron Paul WILL increase your web traffic … provided you have no web traffic at all to begin with. Take a look at this chart:


Ron Paul web traffic

Whoa, doctor! Without a doubt, what we’re seeing here is the fabled Ron Paul effect (with an assist from new catsandbeer friend wonkette.com).

Going from 12 unique visitors one day to 432 the next is nothing to sneeze at unless of course you’re a person who expresses serious and measured recognition of observable statistically significant change through sneezing (in which case this is not only something at which it is entirely appropriate to sneeze but also something at which it is entirely INAPPROPRIATE to not sneeze).

like you could think of something better

So, Ron Paul’s an absolute stud, right? Slow your roll there, pal – note what happens when newer catsandbeer friend defamer.com links to an article in which I pair Associated Press interview questions for R&B superstar Beyonce and answers/photos drawn from the nexus of all that is adoraprecious, cuteoverload.com:

Beyonce overload web traffic

I couldn’t have emasculated Paul more thoroughly with my teeth (gross).

But it only gets worse (greater than 7x worse).

The Jay Cutler Looks High Effect

Jay Cutler web traffic

Keith’s article about how Denver Broncos quarterback Jay Cutler always looks stoned (and a link from newer still catsandbeer friend deadspin.com) gives Ron Paul a beating the likes of which he won’t again experience .. for another five months or so.

So what have we learned?

We have seen that – without a doubt – writing about Ron Paul will bring some extra web traffic your way, just not as much as you can get from posting pictures of cats licking things or glamour shots of mystifyingly thin/fat NFL quarterbacks.

Now before I sign off, I would be remiss not to take this opportunity to dispel a bit of misinformation commonly perpetuated by Ron Paul detractors, the claim that Paul’s highly mobilized e-movement of activists is in reality made up of only a half dozen or so spammers posting under innumerable aliases to create the illusion of far-reaching support.

I have reviewed the IP addresses of those who left pro-Paul messages on this website and can unequivocally state that the above claim is 100% false – there has to be AT LEAST twelve of them out there to leave as many comments as they do.

Ba-zing!

UPDATE!

Ron Paul fans, BIG news: I’ve just put the finishing touches on a brand new promotional campaign for your guy that leverages all that I’ve learned about the Internet and which will spell certain victory in ’08 for the man representing Texas’ 14th congressional district.

Without further ado, I present to you …. LOLRONS!!!!