"Your tiny penis looks like from the Disney World. With Penis Enlarge Patch it will look like from the Giant Planet."

No – scratch that – God bless the SPAMMERS of the Penis Enlarge Patch.

"Make sure you have enough room in your car if you plan on enlarging your penis with Penis Enlarge Patch."

A while back, I wrote about a handful of whimsically bizarre, curiously wonderful spams I received. After posting the article, I got on Google to see if anyone else had received similar emails.

Oh. My. God.

Hundreds upon hundreds of them. Maybe thousands. Somebody should assemble the best ones all in one place. Somebody has.

Since the Internet loves lists, catsandbeer.com is proud to present The 303 Greatest Penis Enlarge Patch Spams (categorized and cited with hyperlinks so you don’t think we’re making this shit up).

Enjoy.

Wow!

  • With Penis Enlarge Patch you can wrap your penis around your hand three times. *
  • Make your dick bigger than a Statue of Liberty with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Penis Enlarge Patch can make your penis longer than Brooklyn Bridge. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch you can wrap your long penis around your waist instead of the belt. *
  • Make your dick longer than the Great China Wall with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Penis bigger than Russia with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch your dick will be as long as a rope for climbing. *
  • Want your dick to be as giant as a skyscraper? Try Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Penis Enlarge Patch can make your dick bigger than the Eiffel Tower. *
  • Penis Enlarge Patch will make you dick so large you will be able to park a car on it. *
  • A penis longer than a fishing rod with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • After you try Penis Enlarge Patch you can use your penis like a ladder. *
  • Now sailors can climb your penis to see the land. *
  • Make your penis bigger than the Moon. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch even a sleeve from your shirt will be too short to cover your penis. *
  • Penis Enlarge Patch makes your penis so big and strong you can use it like barbell. *
  • Knee-level penis with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch you can wrap your penis around your neck. *
  • After taking Penis Enlarge Patch you will be able to use your dick as a scarf. *
  • Your penis can be so big your friends can play football on it. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch you can wrap your penis around her waist. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch your penis will touch your feet. *
  • Do you want your dick to be wallpaper for a computer? *
  • Try Penis Enlarge Patch and all rulers will be too small to measure your penis. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch you will be able to scratch your back with your dick. *
  • Your penis will be so big she will take it for the bridge over the river. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch your penis will be touching your knees. *

Practical Matters

  • With Penis Enlarge Patch your bath tub will be too small for you penis. *
  • After trying Penis Enlarge Patch you might think of getting a larger bed for your penis to fit in. *
  • After taking Penis Enlarge Patch, you will have to use the condom of the biggest size. *
  • Make sure you have enough room in your car if you plan on enlarging your penis with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Try Penis Enlarge Supplement and you will have to use your sleeve for a condom. *
  • Hot women prefer big dicks. *
  • If your partner is addicted to massive cocks, you have nothing else left to do but order Penis Enlarge Patch. *

Animal Farm!

  • Even an elephant had a small penis before he tried Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch you can catch fish with your penis. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch your dick will be so long and thick as an elephants trunk. *
  • Try Penis Enlarge Patch and even a horse will be jealous of your penis. *
  • Transform from a caterpillar to a butterfly with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Do you know that whales dick weights 1 ton. Get the weight and size close to it with our Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Penis Enlarge Patch can change you from an ugly duckling to a swan. *
  • A man without big penis is like the sky without birds. *
  • Even your dog has a bigger penis than you try Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Make an elephant out of your ant. *

Hey fuck you, pal!

  • How many times girls dumped you because of your small dick? Forget about this with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Even your middle finger is longer than your penis. Not anymore with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch you won’t need a magnifying glass to find your penis. *
  • If your penis is tired of being pathetic? *
  • Turn over the page of your life with a small dick, and start a new one with a big penis and Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Tired of small and fragile penis? Try Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Now you don’t have to cover your little friend with a shame. *
  • Enlarge your penis with Penis Enlarge Patch before everybody found out about its original size. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch you won’t stammer anymore when asked about your size. *
  • Your penis is no thicker than a toothbrush. Gain some girth with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Having smaller penis than your friends left a taint on your manhood. Try Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Now even your stomach won’t be able to hide your penis. *
  • Your dick is your weak issue because it is so small. Make it the strongest issue with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • You have a big heart but a small penis, make the two things big with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Your cool style doesn’t match with your small penis try Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Your small penis makes you feel like shit? *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch you don’t have to hide your penis behind the cover of the night again. *
  • Your penis looks pretty bad. Try Penis Enlarge Patch for a better look. *
  • Your penis is as thin as a thread. Don’t worry, Penis Enlarge Patch will make it thicker than a rope. *
  • You seem to be losing your penis when you are inside of her. With Penis Enlarge Patch it will be too big to be lost. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch you can send your small penis on vacation forever. *
  • Your tiny penis is dissolving in her. With Penis Enlarge Patch it will too big to be dissolved. *
  • You inherited a small dick from you father and think there is no way to help it. Penis Enlarge Patch is what you need. *
  • Penis Enlarge Patch will turn your finger penis into a monster penis. *
  • Penis Enlarge Patch can change your Asian size to a Black size. *
  • Your tiny penis looks like from the Disney World. With Penis Enlarge Patch it will look like from the Giant Planet. *
  • Your penis is smaller than the smallest cell phone. Forget about it with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Your penis is as hard to find as an itty bitty needle. With Penis Enlarge Patch it will be shown even from the distance. *
  • Years have passed, but your penis remained still a teenager Penis Enlarge Patch will turn him to a grownup. *
  • You wish you could wear a skirt on the beach so nobody can notice your size forget it with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Your cock looks like a piece of chalk? Try Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Are you ashamed to visit swimming pools because of your small penis? Forget about your embarrassment with our Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • It’s time for your little boy to grow up. *
  • Your penis reminds a tiny toothpick. Now you are saved with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Your penis reminds a toy. With Penis Enlarge Patch it will look like a real tool for sex. *
  • Your little penis makes you hide from women? Try Penis Enlarge Path. *
  • Get rid of your lilliputian penis. *
  • She tells you that having sex with you is the same as fingering. *
  • Penis Enlarge Patch is the best S.O.S. for your little penis. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch you don’t have to hide under umbrella on the beach to avoid your tiny penis being noticed. *
  • Your miserable size makes women cold as ice. *

Penis Pride

  • After taking Penis Enlarge Patch you can measure your dick with pride. *
  • Be proud to show it wherever you go. For that you will need Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Even if you dont like the way you look, a big dick from Penis Enlarge Patch can make up for the rest. *
  • Feel comfortable getting undressed even at the daytime with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch you can unfasten your belt proudly. *
  • All your muscles are nothing if you cant be proud of your penis. Be proud of all the parts of your body with Penis Enlarge Patch *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch you can be beautiful inside and outside. *

My Penis, My Friend

  • Penis Enlarge Patch will turn your penis from a timid prince to a strong king. *
  • Listen to the voice of your penis. He is asking to get Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • If penises could talk, they would definitely ask you to order Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch your dick will be able to touch the sky. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch your penis will become a big boss. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch your penis will not be afraid of new contacts. *
  • Your penis will be one in a million with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch your penis will not be scared of fresh acquaintances. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch your penis will not be afraid to leave his home. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch your penis will not be afraid of the outer world. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch your dick can reach for the stars. *
  • Handle your penis with love and care – get Penis Enlarge Patch for him. *

Catchy!

  • Penis Enlarge Patch indulge your bulge. *
  • Make your dick as huge as brick with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Don’t say never, enlarge your dick forever. Do that with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Be the king of the swimming pool with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • No more hater to your penis once youve started taking Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Make your penis the emblem of your body. *
  • Fond of bodybuilding. With Penis Enlarge Patch you will be also fond of penisbuilding. *
  • Be super foxy with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Penis Enlarge Patch this shit is real. *
  • Have the power in your hands and in your pants with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Become over-sexed with your over sized penis. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch you will never have problems with your tool of love. *
  • Now you can always fight back with your penis. *
  • A King Kong size with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Get a powerful hammer in your pants. *
  • Parade your penis proudly. *
  • Make your cock volcanic rock. *
  • Find your love match with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Penis Enlarge Patch little time, little money but what a size my honey. *
  • Unlock your cock with Penis Enlarge Path. *
  • B I G stands for Beautiful, Irresistible, Great. *

Facts And Stats

  • Since the ancient times men were trying to enlarge their dicks. Today we created Penis Enlarge Patch especially for you. *
  • People judge your dick size by your shoes size. With Penis Enlarge Patch you dont have to wear bigger shoes to make women think you have a huge dick. You can actually have it. *
  • Penis Enlarge Patch works like body building pills building new layers of cells on your penis. *
  • In popular mythology a small penis is still thought to signal a totally inadequate lover. Penis Enlarge Patch can make you an adequate lover. *
  • In Africa men let the snake bite their penis to make it look bigger. They just can’t afford Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • According to the statistics gays have bigger penises. But with Penis Enlarge Supplement you can have a big one too even if you are straight. *
  • 99 percent of all men have a weaker, smaller and underdeveloped penis to what they could posses. With Penis Enlarge Patch you can possess the penis of your dream. *
  • Over 98 percent of men would increase penis size if they knew how. Penis Enlarge Patch knows how. *

Really?

  • Try Penis Enlarge Patch once and be happy for the rest of your life. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch your dick will be growing so fast you wont be able to record the exact size. *
  • Impossible becomes possible with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Penis Enlarge Patch is all what you need for a perfect life. *
  • Do you want to possess the whole world? Try our Penis Enlarge Patch and you will be the master of the universe. *
  • Be the best fucker in the world with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Be perfect from your head to your toes with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Once you order Penis Enlarge Patch you will never wanna try another product. *
  • Earn millions with your new super-sized dick by Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Have more inches on your penis than teeth in your mouth. *
  • Make your penis the most desirable thing in the world. *
  • Make every inch of your body perfect. *
  • Make your penis the sweetest thing on Earth. *

And this is a good thing how?

  • Penis Enlarge Patch can enlarge your dick so much it would be hard for women to have sex with you. *
  • If you want your dick to be bigger than you, try Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch your penis will protrude like a balloon. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch her mouth will be too small for your penis. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch it will be hard to find the underwear that will fit your monster. *
  • Do you want your dick be even more attractive than your face? Try Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch your penis will never fit in her hand. *
  • After just a month of taking Penis Enlarge Patch you will not recognize your dick in a mirror *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch your penis will bulge like a soccer ball. *
  • If you try Penis Enlarge Patch, you will be able to scratch your forehead with your penis. *
  • Try Penis Enlarge Patch and she will choke from the magnitude of your penis during the blowjob. *
  • Be a real predator with Penis Enlarge Patch. *

It’s Alllllll Natural

  • Flowers need water to grow, your penis needs Penis Enlarge Patch to grow. *
  • Get a huge mountain in your pants with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Your penis will make more shadow than the tree. *
  • A thunderstorm in your pants with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • If you feel that you were left out when nature was giving penis sizes, try Penis Enlarge Patch *
  • Experience volcano power. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch your penis will grow faster than a flower. *
  • Your penis is as thin as the tree branch. With Penis Enlarge Patch it will be as thick as a tree trunk. *
  • When your penis looks like an acorn. *

Gross.

  • After taking Penis Enlarge Patch you will be able to reach your asshole with your dick. *
  • We promise that after trying Penis Enlarge Patch you dick won’t look like overly boiled sausage. *
  • Penis Enlarge Patch – she will be sore for weeks. *
  • Try Penis Enlarge Patch and her pussy lips will be swollen after she feels your size. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch even the loosest asshole will be too tight for you. *
  • Stretch her to unbelievable measures. *
  • Would you like to have scars after penis enlargement surgery? If you not, you should consider trying Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • After Penis Enlarge Patch you cock won’t resemble a soft balloon filled with jelly. It will be hard and charming. *
  • Poke her from her vagina to her throat with your new enormous dick from Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Hit her entrails with your penis. *

Well that’s a relief

  • With Penis Enlarge Patch your penis will never be insulted again. *
  • It’s real with Penis Enlarge Patch your penis will not become small again after the midnight. *
  • You dont have to worry about crooked erections as the result of using Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • The results of Penis Enlarge Patch are instant. There is no way your dick can become small again. *
  • There is no need to insure your penis when you try Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Some men are ready to risk their lives only to have a bigger penis. But with Penis Enlarge Patch there is no need in that. *
  • Penis Enlarge Patch will not let your manhood die. *
  • Forget the offenses towards your penis with Penis Enlarge Patch. *

Patch. Penis Enlarge Patch

  • Penis Enlarge Patch is an international magic product. *
  • Penis Enlarge Patch is a fairytale which tends to be true. *
  • Penis Enlarge Patch is a legend in the circle of penis growth products. *
  • On surgery you can end up with a shorter penis then before. With Penis Enlarge Patch this shit is impossible. *
  • Penis Enlarge Patch believe in miracles. *
  • If you don’t know how to allure the women – Penis Enlarge Patch knows. *
  • Penis Enlarge Patch is a cutting age penis growth product. *
  • Penis Enlarge Patch is the rightest theory of being a man. *

P.E.P. Is For The Ladies

  • All her plans will be disconcerted when she sees your new dick given you by Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Start taking Penis Enlarge Patch and dumbfound her with your size. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch she can use your dick as a huge toothbrush. *
  • Due to Penis Enlarge Patch your penis will be the cause of her sleepless nights. *
  • She will want more and more once she sees your new penis after Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • With a big penis you can have beautiful women not only virtually. *
  • Do you want your dick to be in million of women’s screensavers? Try Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Penis Enlarge Patch is the method that is most likely to produce results that stimulate women visually as well as vaginally. *
  • After you try Penis Enlarge Patch she will have a mouthful of your huge penis. *
  • Make her vagina happy with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch every bitch will seem as tight as a virgin. *
  • You dont know what is the best revenge for your ex girlfriend. Just enlarge your dick with Penis Enlarge Patch and she will die from jealousy and regret. *
  • Just imagine how nice your huge dick will look in her pretty tight pussyhole. With Penis Enlarge Patch you dont have just to imagine it. *
  • Make her clitoris happy with your huge dick. Try Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • She will open her legs for you right away when she sees what Penis Enlarge Patch has done to your penis. *
  • Try Penis Enlarge Patch and she will not take her hands off your penis. *
  • Bewitch her with your penis and Penis Enlarge Supplement. *
  • Try Penis Enlarge Patch and she will start stammering when she sees your penis *
  • She will forget her name once she sees your new cock as the result of taking Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch you will be ready for the moment when she slides her hand in your pants. *
  • She won’t be able to turn that penis down. *
  • Her astonishment from the size of your dick will be almost as big as your penis if you try Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Don’t keep your woman waiting get a huge dick with Penis Enlarge Patch right now. *
  • If you try Penis Enlarge Patch, the girls will pounce on your dick. *
  • Amaze her vagina with your huge cock from Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Due to Penis Enlarge Patch she will stand open mouthed for a long time. *
  • Make your penis the reason your woman smiles. *
  • Knock her down with your cock. *
  • She cries over your size. Try Penis Enlarge Patch to cheer her up. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch you will satisfy even the pickiest woman. *
  • Don’t make her use dildo because your penis is too small for her try Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • You can break her heart with your penis. *

Oh my god they’re gorgeous!

  • With Penis Enlarge Patch your penis will sparkle through your pants. *
  • She will have to wear sunglasses to protect her eyes from the beauty of your penis. *
  • Get enormous, big and thick, pretty, long, amazing dick. And Penis Enlarge Patch can do all this for you. *
  • Your penis looks too spongy? Make it beautiful with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Penis Enlarge Patch will change your penis from gray and unnoticeable to bright and colorful. *
  • Now you can exhibit your penis like a piece of art. *
  • Are you jealous of cute porn stars with enormous dicks? Be one of them with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Give that penis of yours fabulous look with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Do you want the architectures to create a monument to your fantastic dick? Try Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Concentrate your beauty in your pants with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch your cock will win the beauty contest *

I’d be crazy NOT to buy this thing!

  • Penis stretching takes up to 12 hours a day. Enlarge your dick much faster with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Penile exercise method sounds too scary for you? Then Penis Enlarge Patch should be just what you are looking for. *
  • As the list or your years is getting longer, why dont you make your dick longer with Penis Enlarge Patch? *
  • Acquire new bedroom skills with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Gain amazing penis and amazing size with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch you can wear a band when you sleep, when you party or whenever you feel like it. *
  • A small penis wins over the big one only because you can fuck a virgin and she will remain a virgin. *
  • Want to try the most permanent cock enhancing method? Then you should take a look at Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • After taking Penis Enlarge Patch you will act in bed like a professional. *
  • Try Penis Enlarge Patch and sex will find you. *
  • Try Penis Enlarge Patch by yourself and tell your friend about it. His gratitude will be bigger than life. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch your dick will grow during the night and day. *
  • Penis Enlarge Patch works for everybody: black, white, and yellow, circumcised and uncircumcised, old and young, small and big. That’s why it’s so popular all over the world. *

De-licious

  • Change your penis from a tiny pickle to a huge banana. *
  • If your wife is not a vegetarian and she likes a lot of meat try Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch your banana will be of a special sort. *
  • Penis Enlarge Patch will give you a double sausage instead of a half of sausage. *
  • Let her have the mouthful of lots of meat with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Penis Enlarge Patch will change your vanilla penis into a chocolate one. *
  • Change your baby banana to a large banana. *
  • Your penis looks like a sausage from a kid’s menu. Try Penis Enlarge Patch and it will move to biggiesize menu. *
  • She wants more meat. Fulfill her wish with Penis Enlarge Patch. *

BIGGER Is BETTER

  • Tired of being a toddler man. Try Penis Enlarge Patch for some more virility. *
  • Some things are famous today and forgotten tomorrow. But big dicks will be always in. Be fashionable with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Be a big man with a big penis in this big world try Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Now your huge penis will dive deep in her. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch even the widest hole will seem very tight. *
  • Would you like to have a colossal dick? Try Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Buy a monster penis with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Get a huge sexy bulge in your pants with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • The more inches your penis has, the more times you are a man. Make it big with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Have a size of a black man with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Feel the joy of having a big dick. *
  • Some men make their penis to swollen to make it look bigger. They just dont know about Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • It’s time to turn your baby boy into a mature adult. *
  • Longer, thicker and bulky dick. Penis Enlarge Patch can do all of that. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch people would think of your penis as your third leg. *
  • Penis is a good thing, big penis is a great thing. *
  • The owners of big penises are the owners of the world try Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Penis Enlarge Patch will lead you to success and bigness. *
  • Men with big dicks are more successful in life than the ones with small dicks. So be successful with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Do you want to increase your self-confidence as well as you dick. Penis Enlarge Patch is one solution for two problems. Penis Enlarge Patch is a formula that you can trust on. *
  • If you start taking Penis Enlarge Patch, the world’s attention will be drawn to your dick. *
  • A penis that will make you famous with Penis Enlarge Patch. *

Wait, what?

  • Penis Enlarge Patch guarantees your penis cloudless life. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch you will win the contest of big tennis and big penis. *
  • After taking Penis Enlarge Patch make you sure your dick doesn’t make too much shadow on the beach *
  • Women will prefer your big penis to your big apartment. *
  • Blister on your dick after different enlarging procedures might be possible, but Penis Enlarge Patch is a vague exception. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch you will never have to admit your defeat. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch your penis will reach the sky limit. *
  • Your penis reminds a computer mouse? Change it with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch your cock will grow like on yeast. *
  • Penis Enlarge Patch will turn her dirty fantasies into your clean reality. *
  • Your dick looks like from a doll world? Change its sizes with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch your new jeans will fit you better. *
  • You can fuck a hatch with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Win the wrestling match with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Penis Enlarge Patch will make you a real dicky fox. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch your penis will not be afraid to look out. *
  • Increase your penis vascular with Penis Enlarge Patch *
  • Say good-bye to your small penis with no pity. *
  • Make your penis dangle like a king. *
  • Increase your small caprice with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • With Penis Enlarge Patch your penis will grow like yield. *
  • Feel the wings behind your back with Penis Enlarge Patch. *
  • Have a cosmic penis. *
  • Get a meaty batch with Penis Enlarge Patch. *

Update!

Caring is sharing:

Your penis is

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...