Catsandbeer.com

I find myself incapable of suppressing a smile today despite the tragic circumstances surrounding the passing of Redskins safety Sean Taylor. It has made me realize that every day is beautiful and we should be striving to spend every moment possible with our friends and loved ones.

Ah, here comes my buddy Mac now! How goes it my best friend….Okay, just because we’re best buds doesn’t mean we have to get all touchy-feely. I’m happy to share a conversation with you; I’m not interested in sharing any viruses you picked up from Ms. Barrymore. Let’s keep a little personal space, please.

You know Mac, I was just saying how you have to savor every day as if it were your last. As you can see here, only 37% of people will tell someone they care about that they love them today. Isn’t that sad? Yes, yes. I love you too, buddy.

Especially with the holidays coming, it’s time to revel in the friendship of others! I can’t thank you enough for this Christmas sweater! And here, I know you said I shouldn’t but I got you that C++ GUI Programming Guide I always wanted anyway. You’re welcome! Seeing the smile on your face makes it all worthwhile.

And remember this fort we built to keep our enemies out? I say we demolish it so that all may share in the bond of our friendship. Perhaps we can thaw the heart of someone who has heretofore spurned us!

Come now, Mac! Let us retire with our dates for this evening to the local trattoria for some good food, good conversation and, if we play our cards right, good four-way anal sex. Remember when I said I didn’t want the viruses you contracted from Ms. Barrymore? Well, truth be told I would be delighted for you infect my rectum with them in the name of friendship!

To the restaurant!….Oh, hold on - I have to take this call. Hello? Yes…..Okay, now Emo….Yes, okay. Remember when I told you that I wouldn’t keep helping you if you didn’t quit that marching band? Well, I meant it. No…..No I will not untangle you from your god-damned trombone again!……Emo, no!….What do you mean you’d rather have us dead than have someone else untangle you? Emo, where are you? What? Right behind me!?! But….Emo!!!

Oh Jesus, he’s got a fucking gun! Ahhhh! He shot me! He shot me in my fucking femoral artery! I pray the bullet doesn’t travel through my bloodstream to one of my ventricles!

Jesus Christ, Mac! Why the fuck didn’t you tell me Emo was standing behind me with a fucking gun! I hope you fucking die you whiny hipster piece of shit!!!!!!