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Emo, I think it’s high time that you accept our interpersonal differences and agree that we are no longer mutually compatible. Since I ended our friendship, I’ve become much happier. See:

You need to accept that I’ve found other friends who make me happier than you did. Oh, okay, here comes one now.

Emo, I’d like you to meet Mac. He can engage me in seemingly endless banter and it doesn’t take him ten minutes to say everything. We are always having lots of fun together. See - having fun with my new friend comprises precisely 37% of my day now.

We do lots of fun things together. For example, we’re going to exchange some gifts right now. Why, thank you for this festive sweater and plaque, Mac. Here, I got you a C++ GUI programming guide like the one I’ve always wanted.

Mac and I also like to play fort. No Emo, there isn’t room for you also.

Now if you’ll excuse us, Mac and I are going on a double date. And you can believe your eyes, Emo - no bras. I’m guessing no panties too. These lovely ladies are ready for action which, by the way, I’m getting tons of now that I don’t have you hanging around my neck, so to speak.

Oh! Emo, this is so like you! Every time you don’t get your way, you throw the same stupid tantrum and get yourself tangled in a trombone.

Come here, I’ll help you. Owww! Owwwwwww! Hold still while I grab the……Owwww!!!! Dammit Emo, now you’ve done it!

No Mac, they’re not coming back! No woman is ever going to sleep with me so long as Emo Philips is walking this Earth! Just go away! Waaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!