NEW YORK (AP) — The Energizer Bunny has nothing on Beyonce.
In the past year and a half, the pop superstar has put out the multiplatinum album "B’Day," starred in the Oscar-nominated musical "Dreamgirls," and launched her Dereon clothing line. Just before one of her concert stops, Beyonce took time out to talk to catsandbeer.com about her jam-packed year.
Q: Does it ever get easy to dance on stage in high heels?
BEYONCE: Oooo I jus’ wanna moosh my faisch up againscht hersch and rub and give her kischhesszz and purrr and let her sschleeepschummorrr..!!!!
Q: You’ve had quite a hectic year — what has been the hardest part of it?
BEYONCE: I is cute, floofy, and wearin’ a blue sweater. What more can ya ask of a puppeh?
Q: When you released "B’Day," although it got critical acclaim, there was also a lot of criticism. How did you handle that?
BEYONCE: i wuv widdle hammie handies and feetsies!! dey tickle! eeeeeeeeeeeek!!
Q: Were you surprised by the success of “Irreplaceable?”
BEYONCE: O kitteh, do not disapprove of me, I will snorgle you and scritch behind your ears and kiss your fuzzy tummy . . .
Q: You auditioned and hired an all-female band for the tour. What has it been like?
BEYONCE: Wanna shrink down to the size of dis kitteh and snorgles wid deh cute widdle tumtum!!!!! Wanna!!.
Q: So it’s not true that women can’t get along?
BEYONCE: BUNNYbunnyBUNNYbunnyBUNNYbunnyBUNNY bunnyBUNNYbunnyBUNNYbunnyBUNNY! Un-be-lievably tiniest baby cottontail bunbun! BUNNY!
Q: I’ve been reading you’re going to do another musical — Elton John’s "Aida."
BEYONCE: aaaa wooowoooooo gooo goooo ga ga poopie snorrfle pooperoo! patootie wootie burger wooooo wooo gooo ga ga ga tooooopie poopie!!!
Q: The gossip sites are always running something about you. Do you troll them? Do you ever feel like posting an anonymous comment?
BEYONCE: Mommmmmm, dees ees sooo embaressing! I shall cover my eyes and pretend you aren’t leekin my bootie in front of everyone
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[...] come before. [via Gone Elsewhere] · We’re not even going to try and explain what’s going on here. · Even Natalie Raitano’s got a blog now. Thanks, Rosie, for making it all seem so [...]
Short Ends: The Landlord 2027…
· The above clip, kind of an introduction to this new My Damn Channel site (finally, a place for…
i don’t get it. but at least i clicked on your ads
Short Ends: The Landlord 2027…
ยท The above clip, kind of an introduction to this new My Damn Channel site (finally, a place for funny…
i don’t get it either
Ask a Gut Shot Beyonce!
This was soooooooooooooooooooooooo STUPID. Not funny, not witty, not groundbreaking, not even mildly humorous. Too bad for you…LOL And she made $80 million last year alone (forbes.com), maybe she should buy you some writing talent.
Gay black man, I respectfully disagree – the above is even more groundbreaking than Ms. Knowles’ star turn as Foxxy Cleopatra in Austin Powers in Goldmember and Whitney Houston’s entire career
P.S. – thank you for reminding me why I love having this site
Gay black man? LOL…your very predictable, and thanks for reminding me of how the ignorant low-lives of society perceive me. Don’t be mad because what I typed was true. No one even got it (you did get a few pennies for the ad clicks – use them wisely)! Anyway, groundbreaking performance or not…she got paid lovely for it. How much do you get paid for your idiotic banter? I’m sure not much if anything at all. I have become bored so I am done with this, I will just sit back and let you bask in your fake arrogance. Oh, and be careful before I snatch that cat outta your hands and throw it in a microwave.
See how easy it was to cirumvent? Screw the avatar (even though that was one of my favorite models Jourdan Dunn – she walked in the Prada show and was amazing). Now go ahead and be a little wuss and erase my replies.
you can use your regular email address – I was just disabling plugins trying to figure out what was breaking the commenting system – after each reenable I would type a test comment to go through – one was for the spam system akismet which was causing the problem – I wrote something that would be flagged ironically as spam that was not for the test – it had nothing to do with you, but also isn’t interesting so forgive the details
rest assured I would not want to block you from commenting, particularly when you had a gravatar set up – most folks don’t, and while the little random monsters are OK, I prefer the custom avatars
<—- Jourdans back! Awww…now Miss Brian wants to be nice. It’s real interesting how you left a comment saying “don’t try to cirumvent my spam protection”…after you marked my email as spam. Look, I don’t enjoy being mean either but you brought it on yourself. I’m done though…and I guess I won. I am gay only because I was born underneath a rainbow, which makes me special. Okay Okay…good luck, have fun, bye.
Friend, I do understand why you would imagine the situation as you do, but you are misunderstanding – as you were leaving comments, I was leaving literally dozens of comments on articles throughout the site debugging a problem – activate a plugin – type something – submit – did it work? – ok, good – repeat – I would go through and delete these comments as they accumulated since it’s not good practice to leave them on a live site –
if I deleted a comment of yours, I not only apologize, but am personally disappointed as I find your messages delightfully silly and I would have liked to read another
anyway, after identifying the plugin problem as my spam filter, I typed various ’spam’ messages out to see which would go through, including the one that was to myself mentioning circumventing my spam filter – I imagine you were refreshing the site or reading comments or whatever and took that as directed to you, which is fine – I’m honored people (at least person) would sit on my site and refresh comments – anyway, I have since disabled that spam filter and am trying a new one – this one, wp-spamfree, has me a little worried since it indicates it has blocked spam, but I can’t seem to see where I can review those messages to see if they are actually spam – will check the documentation
believe any/all of the above or not, whichever you like – it really doesn’t matter – I only offer the entire tired explanation because I’ve spent all night trying to fix this shit – also we’re all about customer service here
also take offense to the site as much/little and for whatever reasons that you like – I genuinely did mean that you reminded me why I love having the site – I composited comments from cuteoverload.com with an AP article interview w/ Beyonce and added a video of a dog in swing – nearly a year ago – when I published it, gawker linked into it b/c it was pleasantly bizarre – hadn’t thought of the article in nearly that long until your fabulousness swooped through, offended lord knows why, to run me down and tell me how rich Beyonce is – that is great, and part and parcel with why I love my site, just like having people calling me nigger on my rap songs white people love article, Scientology haters yelling at my “cousin pete” on the trip to the crazy anti-psychiatry museum, carlos mencia fans calling me fat on my hernandez’s head article, etc – misdirected/confused anger isn’t the only feedback I enjoy, but it sure is some of my favorite
I can’t. I can’t take all this passive aggressive, long-winded banter. I must admit that standing up for Beyonce how I did gives me mixed feelings, because at the end of the day we don’t know each other so in essence she cares nothing about me at all. Still, I typed what I typed and having to go back and forth with you (interrupting my music downloads in the process) is the direct consequence. It’s kind of fun, but it also reminds me of someone scratching their fake acrylic nails across a blackboard while at the same time yodeling…annoying as f_ _ _. I am a lot of things, but one thing that I am NOT is delusional. Nor am I some angry loser who wants to find whatever excuse they can to argue with someone. I have too much pedigree for that. Your “Gay black man” comment not only shows that you took time out of your oh-so busy schedule to look at my myspace…but it also shows that you were trying to be funny (while manipulating the situation and claiming to “respectfully disagree”). I can handle it though, and honestly that’s what I am…A GAY BLACK MAN…so at the end of the day I have to let that one go. Good work. Still, anyone with even a small percentage of intellegence can read your replies and detect the passive aggressiveness and manipulation they embody. And I KNEW that you would squeeze the word nigger in there somewhere (passive aggresively of course, which seems to be your style). Your feigned innocence is very amusing.
Anyway, like I said, I am getting bored with this. You erased this comment from the replies after blocking my email address and leaving your first comment (the text below is copied from my email letting me know a reply comment was actually made):
There is a new comment on the post “Beyonce: ‘I Is Cute, Floofy, And Wearin A Blue Sweater’”.
http://www.catsandbeer.com/cel.....ue-sweater
Author: Brian
Comment:
I also failed to mention that your attempts to circumvent my spam protection will not work – this site runs w/ akismet which is a great tool
See all comments on this post here:
http://www.catsandbeer.com/cel.....r#comments
[end]
This is what I was referring to when I said mentioned how easy it actually was to circumvent your spam protection. I’m done though (for real this time) so have fun with whatever you will do for the rest of the day, or have fun posting another comment to make me look angry and unfocused…while you play the role of the more intelligent, innocent, and calm one. Either choice you make I am not interested and I already made my point with the first comment I ever put on this post. Anything else is just you trying to get back at me in your style. Oh, and this isn’t about race because my boyfriend is white (Jewish even) and I adore him. Bye love…and may Yahweh bless you;^) Oh, and if everything in this reply runs together and looks like one huge paragraph that’s my fault…oh well.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=Sw6DLFB8pWE
^If you turn this song up loud and pay attention to the vocal arrangement this song is amazing!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=a-_VqraKAgM
^Same thing with this one, love the end.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=uahLDNBult4
^Love this song and the video (the first two don’t have videos because they were unreleased). The two gay black men in the beginning (dressing her) choreographed this whole video.
Thank you for video hits 1, 2 and 3 – I’ll be sure to add them to my shuffle
Also thank you for the wonderful conspiracy theory – it is nearly both as entertaining and iron clad as that of the truthers – sadly I don’t anticipate Popular Mechanics will devote a special edition or laboratory to debunking the claims
That said, a few of my own thoughts to pair with your morning joe (or jason or jerry – ba-zing! kidding
):
‘gay black man’ begins and ends with this (well, begins – I guess it ends wherever you like it to): when I read your impassioned, curious/fabulous comment I said aloud to myself “I bet a gay black man wrote that” – I then clicked on your link and holla!!!! I wanted to pat myself on the back for prescience
- and on the topic of prescience, consider your back patworthy as well for just *knowing* that I’d sneak in the word nigger (as regular readers and apparently first timers know I am eminently wont to do) – unfortunately, I am afraid your predisposition regarding my predispositions while technically (although suspectly correct), it is again conspiracy/persecution theory misplaced – the reference to being nigger called was/remains me not you – check out the fun in the comments section of The Top 10 Rap Songs White People Love – other enjoyable bouts of what I would label as misidentification, some aforementioned and others not, include: parkour-identifying pidgin youth call me morbidly obese in Drugs Are My Anti-Parkour! – Carlos Mencia fans also assail me as obese in Hernandez’s Head! – light-reading perhaps anonymi hate Cousin Pete, Scientology, and me in Fun At The Church of Scientology’s "Psychiatry: An Industry of Death" Museum! – Ron Paul fans get all Ron Pauly on Who Is Ron Paul?! etc, etc (maybe only one etc)
Anyway … many congrats on your masterful haxx0ring and I only ask you to consider two things (and then include an unrelated request and warm wish after that):
1) Why would I try to stop you from commenting given that I love your comments (especially since until yesterday most people couldn’t comment because the system was broken)
and
2) If the circumvent message were for you (which you will note I forthrightly agreed would have been easy/reasonable to believe), can you please also respond to the sub and supertext of these other comments just as intended for you posted before, after and around the same time as the one you have addressed:
’spam’
’spams’
‘test’
‘tests’
‘tess’
‘tesses’
‘this is spam’
‘this is not spam’
‘that’s a great idea brian – good point – I look forward to commenting more!’
‘yes – I agree – good’
‘plugin’
‘post’
‘navi!’
‘comments’
‘comments?’
‘comments!’
‘ads’
‘adsense’
‘cache’
‘no cache’
‘works’
‘works?’
‘this works’
‘akismet’
‘akismet doesn’t work’
‘akismet works’
‘forms’
‘cforms’
‘test’
‘test again’
’smith’
‘burn’
’sitemap’
‘redirect’
‘d’
‘dddd’
’stats’
‘analytics’
’smart’
‘archives’
’subscribe’
’subscribe?’
?
(there might have been others, but feel free to start with these, in individual responses across various articles or just this one or all in a single response – however you like – I’ll email you any more I turn up).
Finally, the request: please continue to frequent and interact with this website! This truly is Web 2.0 and if Tim Berners Lee were alive today to see what the web has become, he might never have tragically taken his own life out of fear for what it could never become – trust that your comments will never from desire mine be blocked and that I will work extra hard to make sure that they are not for other cause – you are a valuable member of this vibrant community – help make it a better place so that some day your half black, half white, half jewish children will not have to have to defend Miley Cyrus Jr. from the scathing indignity of having pictures of her posted along side a wikileaked internal review memo of Petsmart
thanks
Your friend,
Brian
Hi Brian. I am at work right now so I can’t devote much more time to this uhm…stuff. I feel how I feel and you feel how you feel, nothing will change that. I didn’t even read the message above because at this point this all is getting kind of weird (plus it is too long and I didn’t want to waste the time). The fact remains that your Beyonce interview post was stupid and no one even got it. You can type a novel but it still won’t change that fact. Have fun with your site and I wish you nothing. Not even the best. If you put as much effort into this site (which I will admit is kind of funny – just not this post) as you do with your comebacks for me I am sure you and your fabulous friend Keith (who looks great in stilletos and gives a mean drag performance by the way) will be very very successful. Who would have known one little comment made by me could cause so much drama? Wow, I feel special. Anyway, bye love…;^).
THE END…GAME OVER…Bye everyone!
Thanks kindly dear – you arrived at a period of renewing vigor – that is 50% the explanation for the above novel – the other 50% is that I enjoy it – I only hope my tim russert retrospective will flow so freely
P.S. – Keith, I hope(/know) you have enjoyed this exchange and pray that it too helps brings you out of your creative bankruptcy